There is a romantic side to most people when entering into a committed relationship. They imagine their marriage will last forever. Yet last year (2020), 7,707 couples were granted divorces in New Zealand.1 I mention this because the Gospel reading for this Sunday (3 October) discusses the sensitive topic of divorce (Mark 10:2-16).
One of the joys of Parish ministry is the delight of meeting with couples and the privilege of taking their wedding service. However, it also provides cause for reflection, when later I discover the excitement and commitment promised on that day did not survive the challenges that lay ahead for them. This situation is not new, as we learn from this Sunday Gospel reading. Divorce was a critical issue when Jesus lived as it was in the 7th century BCE when the Deuteronomic Code was composed. However, it is clear from the Gospel reading, the Jewish authorities were not interested in divorce per se. They wanted to see whose side Jesus supported. Was it legal for a man to divorce his wife? They knew the law – but did Jesus agree with it? Jesus wisely sidesteps their question. Instead, he points to the hope that most couples hold when making their commitment to each other. They trust that their relationship will last.
In contrast to the academic and critical game-playing of the Pharisees, Jesus was more interested in the dignity all people have in the sight of God. Especially women and children who had few rights under Jewish law. A man, for example, could divorce his wife for almost any contrived reason, leaving her and the children destitute with little or no support. Jesus reminds his disciples it is not by age or social standing, nor by learning or skillful argument that we enter God's domain. Rather, it is through an openness of heart and mind that allows us to see and experience the presence of the Divine in each moment of our life. And to draw on that divine support to help us face and often resolve the issues life throws at us. In the process, we discover that the eyes, mind and wisdom of the Divine, are already dwelling within us.
One of the tools I often used with couples to help them access this inner wisdom was the work of a Canadian Psychiatrist, Eric Berne. Initially developed during the 1950s and 1960s, he provided a way to explain, predict and change our patterns of responding to situations. Learnt often unconsciously, they continue to influence how we act, think and feel. Berne divided them into three ego states he called Parent, Adult and Child. Their influence depends on experience. They may provide wisdom, insight, spontaneity and knowledge to face the challenges and decisions that life throws at us, for example. Or their dark side may contain the remembered criticisms and manipulations that taught us the world was not a good or safe place for us. However, Berne's approach reminds us we still have a choice, as hard or delightful as that may be. To quote Aesop's Fables: “Be careful what you wish for, lest it comes true!”
With all this in mind, we consider the human dynamics involved in this week's Gospel reading.The Pharisees come with their childish game and two-edged question to show the crowd how irresponsible (or ignorant) Jesus was and how clever and wise they are, forgetting whenever we point the finger at someone, three fingers always point back at you. Jesus remains calm. He ignores their barb and responds with his mature insight and wisdom. Later the Disciples question Jesus in quite a different manner to the Pharisees, and the episode concludes with Jesus quoting a curious and often misquoted maxim from Malachi 2:10-17.2
One of the joys of Parish ministry is the delight of meeting with couples and the privilege of taking their wedding service. However, it also provides cause for reflection, when later I discover the excitement and commitment promised on that day did not survive the challenges that lay ahead for them. This situation is not new, as we learn from this Sunday Gospel reading. Divorce was a critical issue when Jesus lived as it was in the 7th century BCE when the Deuteronomic Code was composed. However, it is clear from the Gospel reading, the Jewish authorities were not interested in divorce per se. They wanted to see whose side Jesus supported. Was it legal for a man to divorce his wife? They knew the law – but did Jesus agree with it? Jesus wisely sidesteps their question. Instead, he points to the hope that most couples hold when making their commitment to each other. They trust that their relationship will last.
In contrast to the academic and critical game-playing of the Pharisees, Jesus was more interested in the dignity all people have in the sight of God. Especially women and children who had few rights under Jewish law. A man, for example, could divorce his wife for almost any contrived reason, leaving her and the children destitute with little or no support. Jesus reminds his disciples it is not by age or social standing, nor by learning or skillful argument that we enter God's domain. Rather, it is through an openness of heart and mind that allows us to see and experience the presence of the Divine in each moment of our life. And to draw on that divine support to help us face and often resolve the issues life throws at us. In the process, we discover that the eyes, mind and wisdom of the Divine, are already dwelling within us.
One of the tools I often used with couples to help them access this inner wisdom was the work of a Canadian Psychiatrist, Eric Berne. Initially developed during the 1950s and 1960s, he provided a way to explain, predict and change our patterns of responding to situations. Learnt often unconsciously, they continue to influence how we act, think and feel. Berne divided them into three ego states he called Parent, Adult and Child. Their influence depends on experience. They may provide wisdom, insight, spontaneity and knowledge to face the challenges and decisions that life throws at us, for example. Or their dark side may contain the remembered criticisms and manipulations that taught us the world was not a good or safe place for us. However, Berne's approach reminds us we still have a choice, as hard or delightful as that may be. To quote Aesop's Fables: “Be careful what you wish for, lest it comes true!”
With all this in mind, we consider the human dynamics involved in this week's Gospel reading.The Pharisees come with their childish game and two-edged question to show the crowd how irresponsible (or ignorant) Jesus was and how clever and wise they are, forgetting whenever we point the finger at someone, three fingers always point back at you. Jesus remains calm. He ignores their barb and responds with his mature insight and wisdom. Later the Disciples question Jesus in quite a different manner to the Pharisees, and the episode concludes with Jesus quoting a curious and often misquoted maxim from Malachi 2:10-17.2
I say curious, because the author of Malachi compares Judah's covenant with God to a marriage relationship that the people of Judah have broken through their faithlessness and apostasy. Baptism would be our Christian equivalent to this situation rather than marriage. In Baptism, “we are made children of God, members of Christ’s body the Church, and heirs of the Kingdom of God... we enter the new Covenant, and experience the renewing spirit of God. 3. A view supported by the closing paragraph of this Sunday's Gospel when parents bring their children to Jesus and Jesus responds with the wisdom, loving care and blessing that our soul also long for:
“Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs... And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
Kia mau te rongo me te pai ki a koe i to haerenga
May you find peace and good will on your journey.
Phil
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1 https://www.stats.govt.nz/
2 “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). This maxim better reflects the legal situation in the Markan Church. It also reflects familiarity with Roman rather than Israelite marriage law.
3 A NZ Prayer Book p 933 https://anglicanprayerbook.nz/925.html
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