What do You Want? (Matt 20: 20-28)

The 25th of July is a day in the calendar of the Church when we remember two brothers, St. James and St. John. They were both disciples of Jesus and part of his innermost circle of followers. The Gospel of Matthew records their mother asking Jesus to give her boys places of special honour in the World to Come. In the Gospel of Mark, the two disciples make this request. The suggestion being that by the time Matthew wrote his Gospel 25 years after Mark, both men had become significant leaders of the early Church. James also had been the first disciple to be martyred for his faith.

The second observation is that both James and John were full cousins of Jesus and no doubt felt they deserved special recognition. Be that as it may. What also attracted my attention was the different responses Jesus made He asked the two disciples: What do you want me to do for you? To their mother, he asked: What is it that you want?  Both are good questions to ponder.

What do I want? Not always an easy question to answer. While at University, for example, I worked for the Vocational Guidance Service. In those days, it was part of the Governments Education Department. I recall an occasion during my orientation week when invited to sit in with the person to observe how to interview a budding school leaver. After taking down the particulars of the young man, the conversation turned to his thoughts of a possible career. He had no idea what he wanted to do – except to leave school! In the end, he took away a handful of potential career profiles. He could return when he was ready to discuss options.

Knowing what we want out of life, or from another person, or even from ourselves, influences the way we live and make our choices. Knowing what we want is important because it usually opens the door to new possibilities, hopes and dreams.

Then how would you answer the question asked by Jesus: What do you want me to do for you? Or to re-frame the question, What do I expect God to do for me? Do I believe in or expect God to do anything? Or are we responsible with our gifts and experience to sort out a life for ourselves?

We live in an increasingly secular age with high expectations of independence. Yet the question remains: What is it that I want? What do I long for deep inside? Is it always up to me to decide? Or is there an existential answer that would change the whole orientation of my life?

In the Gospel passages, Jesus turns the expectations of the woman and the disciples upside down. His teaching was entirely counter-intuitive: If we want to be great – become a servant. If we desire a place of honour – Take the lowest seat. If we long to know God, then we have to seek. However, God has already found us, so what we seek is already within us.

God's being is in my being.
Wherever I am, there is God.
Meister Eckhart (c1260-c1327)

Kia mau te rongo me te pai ki a koe i to haerenga

May you find peace and goodwill on your journey.

Phil

Siddhartha

Recently I came across an online Symposium on Hermann Hesse's novel 'Siddhartha'. The four contributors were all teachers at various educational institutions in the USA. They had used 'Siddhartha' as part of their Religious Studies curriculum. What piqued my interest to reread the book was their comments on the value they sensed the students had gained from the text. One student told her mother: 'It was the best book she had ever read and that it made her understand life'. I believe the student had grasped the author's intent because the word 'Siddhartha' means 'the one who has found meaning'.

While Hesse wrote Siddhartha in the 1920s, it didn't become popular until the 1960s, and that was when I read it for the first time. The story is set in India in the 6th century BC and is about two friends who search for self-discovery and deep inner peace. Siddhartha's close friend, Govinda, became a disciple of the Buddha. However, Siddhartha decided to be guided by his inner instincts. The story follows Siddhartha's life as he gradually allows moments of self-discovery and success to encroach upon his meditation practice. Which-in-turn, inevitably led to his disillusionment and despair. Finally, fed up with life, he is rescued by the same Ferryman he met near the beginning of his search. The Ferryman encourages Siddhartha to stay with him and to spend his days in silence, listening to the wisdom of the river that flowed past their simple dwelling.

The story ends as it began with Siddhartha and Govinda meeting. They discuss all that they had experienced over the years. His friend sensing that Siddhartha had learnt far more than him, inquires:

'Have you not discovered certain knowledge yourself that has helped you to live?

It would give me great pleasure if you would tell me something about this?' 

 

To which Siddhartha replied:

'Knowledge can be communicated but not wisdom. One can find it, love it, be fortified by it,

do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it'.

Hesses' book is a story of self-discovery and spiritual awakening. In the Judeo-Christian tradition, we also have many similar stories. I think of Moses meeting God at the burning bush. Elijah hearing God speak as he stood at the front of his cave. Job or Isaiah eyes being opened and seeing the mystery and glory of God. In the New Testament, we have the story of Mary meeting an angel at her annunciation, Jesus hearing the Divine voice at his baptism, and Paul seeing the risen Christ on the road to Damascus. These stories and many others all remind us that the mystery our soul seeks is always 'closer to us than our hands and feet'. We need to learn to follow Lord Tennyson's encouragement to 'Speak to Him, thou, for He hears, and Spirit with Spirit can meet'.

Recently, I have been reflecting on the Gospel stories of the annunciation of Mary and the baptism of Jesus. I sense an inner similarity between them and Siddhartha finally experiencing the interconnection of all creation and sharing that gift with his friend. Words in all these moments were inadequate.

As I look back over a lifetime's experience of the Church, I sense our religious heritage carries a similar inner tension that lies behind Hesse's story. It's finding the balance between theology and spirituality. The former encourages knowledge based on words and ideas taught through books and lectures that can easily lead to a sense of self-satisfaction. Spirituality is different. We are no longer in the driving seat because it is about learning to experience an intuitive awareness and an inclusive knowing that transcends the barriers of time and space. The contemporary author, Thomas Moore, wrote something similar:

'Religion is about transcending, going beyond. It's more a verb than a noun. The point is not to find something but to breakthrough... it's about being in tune with something incomprehensibly larger than (oneself that) tears open an otherwise closed cosmos.'

Kia mau te rongo me te pai ki a koe i to haerenga

May you find peace and goodwill on your journey.

Phil

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A Symposium On Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha http://www.asianstudies.org/wp-content/uploads/symposium-on-herman-hesse-siddhartha.pdf

Hesse, H, Siddhartha: A Novel, ‎ Bantam (January 1, 1982), Hilda Rosner (Translator).

Thomas Moore, A Religion of One's Own: A Guide to Creating a Personal Spirituality in a Secular World  ‎ Avery; Reprint edition (January 6, 2015)